


The Rain Falls (and I might too)

by Soaring_through_the_stars



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Depression, Food Issues, Gen, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Weight Issues, before they left buzzfeed, body image issues, extreme weight loss, first fic, this is just me projecting on eugene whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-06-29 22:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15738708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soaring_through_the_stars/pseuds/Soaring_through_the_stars
Summary: My feelings of unease grew, but I tamped down on them as we arrived at my house. Tomorrow, I thought, I'll confront him tomorrow with the others, consequences be damned. Tonight, however, was a time to relax and unwind, and now a brief period of calm before a certain argument tomorrow. But for this short period of time, everything would be okay, and nothing but fun ahead for the night.I didn't know how wrong I could be.--*In light of Eugene's coming out video, REMEMBER!!!! This is NOT an accurate representation of, really, ANY real-life person in the story. I did not make this story to accurately portray any person, I just wanted to project on Eugene and make him suffer so I could feel better about my own feelings. This is not how I see Eugene or how Eugene acts, this is literally just my messed up brain trying to feel better.*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just me projecting on Eugene because I don't know how to deal with emotions and apparently neither does he so here you go :). I do not own him or the Try Guys or Buzzfeed

**Eugene POV:**

Today was a rather calm Friday at Buzzfeed. No major filming was going on and I appreciated the calm, as it allowed me to work quickly and try to catch up with the others. The other Try Guys seemed to feel the same about the peace, as they diligently worked to stay ahead of me, with the only interruption a break to eat lunch. At the end of the day, everyone was satisfied with their work and ready to go home. Well, almost everyone.

"Hey Eugene, do you want to hang out with us? We got a lot of work done today and we thought it'd be a good idea to go to Ned's house and hang out," Keith asked, as he saw I was still sitting at my desk, hunched over the computer, headphones plugged in. "You've been staying late a lot and we think it'd do you good to unwind."

I paused my music and stared at my computer.

_You don't deserve to take a break. Even though you stay later every day, it's not enough, you're still a lazy piece of shit who can't keep up with the rest. That invitation is just Keith feeling obligated because you're part of the group, even if you're unwanted. We both know that if you accept you'll just sit there being all awkward and not talking, ruining the mood for everyone else. Just reject him and save yourself the trouble of being even FARTHER behind because you decided to go and annoy your so-called "friends" with your presence for a couple of minutes before they got tired of having such a useless, ugly fuck around and kicked you out. Then it'd be really hard to be able to make videos with you in it that are just watchable enough so the fans don't barf, and it's hard enough to do that already, so you'd probably be fired and end up as trash on the street where you belong._

"No thanks, Keith. I have this one part I really want to finish. It'll take me a while." I replied without looking at him, gesturing to my screen. "If you text me how long you're going to stay, I might join you later."  _No, you idiot! Now they'll be dreading the chance that you might actually come and ruin their fun time. You, of all people, have to find a way to comfort them with the fact it's extremely likely that you, the deadbeat of the group, are not going. If you do that I might let you eat today._ "I'm pretty tired though, so I'll probably just go home after I finish this."

_Great recovery. Real nice. Now it sounds like you, a waste of oxygen, thinks that you're too good for them and would rather just go home. Amazing how with every sentence you say you can somehow increase someone's hatred of you. Your way with words is so completely rude that if you had ignored him you probably would have been in better standing with him, more like incomprehensible dislike than hatred. You're lucky that each time they hang out they seem to collectively agree to at least tolerate your hideous face, or else they would have replaced you long ago. No food again today, or tomorrow for that matter. And you're running 10 miles tomorrow. Then maybe you can make up for that completely thoughtless remark._

Zach started talking. "Well, if that's how you feel, we won't stop you. But please think about it, okay? We're worried about you."

 _Now, look what you've done! They've noticed how weak you are! I can't believe you-_ I cut the voice off. "I'll think about it, but I'm fine. Nothing to worry about. I've just been stressed lately. I'll go next time. Now you guys go and enjoy yourselves."

As they walked out the door, I resumed my music. I got back to work as soon as I saw them pile into Ned's car in the parking lot below. My extra punishment for cutting the voice off would come later. Right now I had things to do.

* * *

**Ned POV:**

"Guys, do you think Eugene was acting weird?" I asked as we walked out of the office. "Over the past couple of months, he hasn't really hung out with us that much, and he's been seeming kind of distant."

 "He has been seeming kind of strange, now that you mention it, and you just made me realize lately it's been more pronounced. Emotions have never been his strong suit though, so let's give him some space so that he can talk to us about it on his own." Zach replied, walking slightly slower as he spoke.

"I agree," Keith put in, "except that I think we should talk to him if he waits for more than, say, a month to talk to us. I am all for respecting his privacy, but I don't want to not give him help if he needs it. Plus, this is Eugene we're talking about, if something's bothering him he'll put a stop to it quickly, and tell us about it sooner rather than later."

I agreed with them, but something about how Eugene was acting made me worried. As we all got into my car to head to my house, I couldn't stop thinking about Eugene all alone in the office working, and how wrong that seemed to be. How his responses were clipped, how he never turned to look at us. The video he was working on wasn't even that urgent, it wasn't due for weeks. My feelings of unease grew, but I tamped down on them as we arrived at my house.  _Tomorrow,_ I thought,  _I'll confront him tomorrow with the others, consequences be damned._ Tonight, however, was a time to relax and unwind, and now a brief period of calm before a certain argument tomorrow. But for this short period of time, everything would be okay, and nothing but fun ahead for the night.

 

I didn't know how wrong I could be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning*  
> Self-harm  
> Blood  
> Near Suicide

**Keith POV:**

The car ride over to Ned's house was silent as we all mulled over the actions of our friend. However, as we got to Ned's house, all of our worries seemed to collectively disappear. We walked in the front door and Ariel and Bean were there to greet us. We all got drinks and quickly set up an almost blanket-fort like structure for us all to lay in. We were going to have a movie marathon, so we were going to make it as comfortable as possible.

"Okay guys, what should we watch first?" I asked, excited to spend some time with my friends. "We could watch Star Wars or Lord of the Rings or -"

"Before we choose a movie, is Eugene going to come? I haven't seen him in a while," Ariel interrupted.

Zach shrugged. "Eugene decided to work late at the office today and finish some work up. He said he might join us later, but he looked and sounded exhausted. We're going to force him to hang out with us more soon, but for right now it'd probably be for the best if he just went home, relaxed, and slept a ton."

Ariel still looked a bit unsure. "Alright, but make sure to talk to him soon, okay?"

"Will do," Ned, Zach, and I replied in unison.

"Well that was weird," Ned commented, right before all of us burst out laughing.

We decided to watch Disney movies, and by the second one, we were all singing along as loud as we could. "LET IT GO! LET IT GO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! LET IT GO! LET IT GO! TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR!" we sang(yelled), with Zach live streaming on his phone every time a song came on. We were swaying, arms linked, and just having a great time. Until someone *cough totally wasn't me cough* accidentally spilled a glass of red wine on the tan rug.

"Shit!" Ned says, scrambling to get paper towels and white wine while Ariel rushed to the bathroom for salt. The white wine was poured on top to counteract most of the red stain from the wine and immediately after the paper towels were pressed against the stain to take up the excess liquid. Salt was then poured on the stain to remove it from the carpet. Luckily, the couple acted fast enough and managed to deploy super wine-remover techniques in time.

"I'm really sorry guys," I said, embarrassed. "I forgot I left my drink there, and we were so hyped I just started flailing around. Here, I'll wait for the salt to absorb the wine while you guys take a snack and bathroom break."

I went to the kitchen to get a dustpan and broom, and to the closet for a vacuum. I waited for the salt to work, and then swept up the big clumps into the dustpan and threw it away. I plugged in the vacuum and started moving it back and forth. The buzz was strangely calming, and before I knew it the spot was clean. I put the dustpan in the kitchen and the vacuum back into the closet. I called everyone back from the kitchen and we settled back in to watch movies, with everyone's drinks on a side table, close enough to reach but not close enough to knock over.

Singing was a little bit less enthusiastic after that disaster, but still loud enough to be borderline noise complaint. Luckily, Ned's neighbors were kind enough to put up with us and let the fun continue.

\----------

At around 1 we decided to turn the movies off and just talk and hang out.

"So, do you guys have any ideas for upcoming Try Guys videos? That last one was pretty great, finding out I'd have great sex with Zach," Ariel said, laughing slightly, at her comment and at the 15 minutes of bad jokes that just occurred.

Ned glared at his wife. "Disregarding that last statement, we do have some good video ideas for the future. One idea that I'm really excited for is a lie detector test, but we're probably going to have to put that off for a few episodes. I just can't wait to embarrass everybody and find out their deepest, darkest secrets."

"I'm not so excited for you to be prying into my life," I sighed, looking at Ned's slightly crazy expression. "But I can't wait to sexily drink some alcohol, because it combines my two favorite things: beautiful Keith and getting buzzed at work."

"I just can't wait for the next video, as I have some great one-liners stocked up, ready for use," Zach said, smiling at the groans that aroused. Suddenly, however, he froze, eyes widening in surprise. "We're all idiots! Oh my god, how did I not remember sooner? Fuck, I'm so stupid. It's literally been hours and I remember now of all times. Well, at least I remembered, unlike you guys. Ugh, why are we actual dumbasses."

"Spit it out, man!' Ned snapped, frustrated with all the insults.

"We all drove to work in our own cars, but came here only in Ned's!" Zach finally exclaimed, slapping his forehead.

Silence followed as everyone let the realization sink in. Ned put his head in his hands as Ariel began to giggle.

"This means that I'm going to have to drive you all to the office, doesn't it," Ned groaned. "And I was thinking I was just going to relax the rest of the night. Of course. Nothing's simple with you guys around."

I smiled at him. "Don't be such a downer Ned! This means you get to spend more time with us, yay! Isn't this great?"

"Oh, shut up. Let's just get going. I don't want to drive too late at night."

\----------

Piling into the car, we sat back and relaxed for the drive to the office. Ned had Coldplay playing on the radio, ignoring Zach glowering about the music choice. We got there pretty fast, and as we got out of the car, we noticed a light in the window where our desks were.

"Eugene didn't go home did he."

"Of course not, Ned, we can easily see his car from here, he lives too far away to walk home, and he loathes public transportation." Zach jabbed, exasperated after being forced to listen to a band he didn't like on the way over. "Now come on, we have someone to force home."

As we went up the elevator, I was thinking of ways to scold Eugene for lying to us about going home. I also felt guilty for believing Eugene, the self-proclaimed "work-a-holic", would go home when he said he would. He's never gone home when he said he would; why did we believe him this time? The doors opened with a ding, and as we walked over to our area we were all deep in thought, planning what we were going to say to Eugene. Except he wasn't there.

"Where the fuck is he? Why wouldn't he be at his desk?" Ned growled out, temper rising.

"Uh, guys?" Zach breathed, face paling. "Look down."

"Why?" I questioned, glancing down. "It's not like he's just laying on the ground-" I stopped in shock.

In a twisted reflection of the spilled wine from earlier, a fresh stain of red soaked into the carpet, around double the size. It shined dully, with a small knife sitting in the middle, almost pristine if it weren't for the dull stains on it. The metallic smell of blood hit my nose like a brick, and I started gagging. "Oh my God," I whispered, a cold feeling running through my body. "Oh my God."

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE! WE HAVE TO FIND HIM! HURRY!" Ned screamed, starting to run around the office. We quickly followed, sprinting to and fro looking for some sort of clue, anything that would lead us to our friend.

"I FOUND A TRAIL GOING UP THE STAIRCASE!" Zach shot out, already bursting through the doors. We followed as quickly as possible, hearts sinking as we traced the drops up and up and up, knowing subconsciously that it would end at the roof. We burst through the doors, expecting the worst.

But there he was, standing on the roof, leaning against the wall and watching the city. We all breathed.

 

 

Our relief, however, was short-lived, as right before our eyes he started climbing onto the barrier.

 

 

He leaned farther, and farther, and farther, until the only thing keeping him from falling was the barest sliver of concrete.

 

 

"EUGENE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for the pool of blood on the carpet part, I decided to look up how much blood a person can lose before they get side effects. The average male can lose 14% of their blood before having ANY sides effects. THAT'S 24 OUNCES (0.7 liters) OF BLOOD. THAT'S A LOT. I have a 32 oz water bottle, and I can assure you it takes a while to drink. It's a lot of water. And you can lose THREE-FOURTHS of this giant water bottle before having any side effects. Man the human body is strange. Also I decided to look up how to clean red wine out of carpets and had to revise that whole part. And still had to modify it to fit in the time constraint. Whoops.  
> An average wine glass now has 12-14 oz, so that's why the pool is twice the size btw.  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> Yo if you like this story (or don't) please leave a comment because I crave acknowledgment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene's POV of the last chapter ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Self-deprecating thoughts  
> Self-harm  
> Suicide attempt

**Eugene POV:**

As my friends left, I turned back towards my laptop. I was editing a video not due for a few weeks, but it had to be very precise, which was time-consuming and would probably take someone like me all of those weeks. My back hurt from hunching over and my eyes were tired from squinting, but I ignored it and kept going.

Just editing out most of the background noise alone took an hour, as there were dogs barking every couple of seconds. They were quiet whenever anyone was speaking, however, a rare stroke of luck for me. I listened to so much barking that it made me start to hate dogs and even dread going home to Pesto and Emma.

_Then why don’t you just not go home? Your dogs will probably be happier with a new owner anyway. You never have time with them because you’re falling so behind in work that you stay late every night to try to catch up. I could even dare to say you are neglecting them._

“Shut the fuck up,” I whispered under my breath.

_I will for now, as you are being a little bit useful. You seem to be really focused on your work right now, so how about no breaks for….six hours? Since somehow it seems that you, a fat fucking idiot who barely anyone can stand, think you’re better than me and that you can tell me what to do and cut me off, we’ll go on a 10-mile run before your punishment. If you pass out or stop during the run I’ll make sure to remind you that your “good looks” are the only thing keeping you from being removed from the squad, so if you don’t stay in shape you’ll be kicked out and ridiculed like you deserve. Oh, and your food ban gets extended another day, too._

I sighed in relief. The last time I had acted so rude I had to work out at a local gym for five hours after not sleeping for two days. I would have worked out longer, but the staff kicked me out because they were concerned about my health, so instead I ran 20 miles on my treadmill at home.

Then I realized it was a run **before** my punishment. I started sweating. How bad must I have acted to have a punishment be labeled as a precursor? Oh God, what have I done?! What if because of this it stops helping me become better? What if I’m stuck like this forever? What if I get fired because of this? What if—

_Why aren’t you working? Do you want to get removed from the group and fired? Do you want to be punished some more? Do you want me to leave you to fall and suffer like the trash you are? Or do you want to become someone who people actually like and care about? Because right now you’re back where you started before I came, borderline trash. And if you don’t start working now to bring yourself up I’m leaving you in the garbage and finding someone deserving of my help. Do you understand?_

I gulped, nodding. I looked down at my laptop, the voice thankfully leaving me to work for now. I couldn’t imagine where I’d be without it; probably living under a bridge somewhere. Mentally thanking the voice for putting up with me and setting me back on track, I focused on my work. These six hours were not going to go to waste.

\----------

I stretched, back popping as I uncurled myself from the hunched position I had just sat in, still as a rock except for the movement of my eyes and tap of my fingers, for the past hours. My spine ached, protesting the quick movement, eyes going black for a couple of seconds as the blood rushed from my head. I stayed still for a couple of seconds, waiting for my lightheadedness to go away. Once I was fully stretched, I curled back down and sighed.

“11 o’clock, huh,” I muttered to myself. “That’s six hours.”

_Obviously. Now, if you’re done making completely useless comments, it’s time for your run. Luckily, you don’t have to change, as you took advantage of casual Friday for once. No stretching or water; that’s a privilege you must earn. Maybe if you don’t run as painstakingly slow as you usually do, you’ll get some water afterward. Now hop up, you sloth. The park is only 5 miles away, you can do that in 80 minutes roundtrip, not counting the time you’ll lose for somehow going slower than an 8-minute mile. You should be able to do that easily, but what can you expect from someone like you. What are you waiting for? The clock is ticking._

I shot up, nearly knocking over my chair as I headed for the staircase at almost a dead sprint. Jumping the stairs by twos, I made it into the parking lot in less than a minute. I slowed down to a more long-distance pace, pushing out of my mind the consequences for being too slow.

The rhythmic tapping of my shoes on the concrete was hypnotic. My brain cleared of the worries and thoughts of the past weeks, and my breathing evened out as I ran down the streets. I entered a sort of trance, reaching the park almost without realizing it. I got to the gates and turned around. Offhandedly, I noticed a cat standing on a fence. As I ran by, it was chased off the fence by 3 other cats, after which they all started grooming each other.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock. What a great time to admire some cats. Not. Times running out. Better hurry if you want to make it in time. Or don’t. Everyone knows you could use a little more discipline._

I ran slightly faster, wanting to sprint but knowing I wouldn’t be able to make it back if I did. My breathing gradually grew more erratic the farther I went, but I pushed through, needing to make it back.

I got to the building, and quickly opened to door to the stairwell and started sprinting up, taking the steps by 2. I sprinted through the office and sat down in my chair, glancing at the clock as I did so.

12:15, I thought in relief, I made it.

_After your surprisingly mediocre performance, you **actually** deserve some water for once. I saw a bottle in the fridge earlier. Go get that and drink half of it._

I stood up, swaying slightly from fatigue as I walked to the break room. Walking in, I went to the fridge and opened the door. The water bottle was there, and I gratefully opened it and took a couple of sips. I knew not to rush; this was probably all the water I was going to get for the night. The feel of the cool liquid going down my throat was amazing, and I had to physically restrain myself from chugging the whole bottle.

_Now that you’ve gotten that, stop being lazy and get back to your seat. We’re working the rest of the night. I decided to postpone the punishment for tomorrow, considering you second-rate performance for once. That way you’ll have all of Sunday to get used to the pain before going back in on Monday._

Taking another small sip to brace myself, I slipped back down into my seat. Rubbing my eyes, I pulled back up my work. I settled down for more hours of sitting still, back already aching.

\----------

After an hour, I had finally finished a major part of the editing. Sighing in relief, I moved the cursor to the save icon. As I was about to click, the screen turned black.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, what the fuck happened? Why did it shut off? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN ON!” I yelled, frantically pressing the on button. “TURN ON!”

_I can’t believe this. After everything I’ve done for you, everything I pushed you towards, this is what it leads to. Hours of lost work. All because your lack of a brain caused you to forget to plug in your laptop. Honestly, what did I expect. You’ve been much better than normal, a huge screwup was bound to happen. Sadly, this time it involves you likely getting fired._

I hastily reached down for my cord and plugged in my laptop. I waited a few seconds, then I pressed the on button. I prayed to every god I could think of, even if I didn’t believe in them, that by some miracle my work was saved. I held my breath as I opened my editing app.

Nothing. It didn’t save.

I collapsed in my chair, head in my hands. How could I be so stupid? I was a failure, a screwup. No wonder the guys never want t hang out with me. Who would? I would just screw everything up like I usually do. I deserve punishment, I deserve pain. Maybe it’ll finally fix me.

“Voice make me a better person, please. I-I don’t know what else to do,” I said, voice breaking.

_I thought you’d never ask._

**Third person POV:**

Eugene, after making that statement, sat frozen in his chair for a couple of minutes. Suddenly, he got up, back completely straight as he walked towards a nearby coworker’s desk. Reaching into their drawer, he drew out a pocketknife, a gift given to them during a baby shower.

“How ironic. A gift given for a new life will give the gift of death,” Eugene chuckled, nearly growing into hysteric laughter before he calmed himself down. He made his way back to his area, standing in the middle of the four desks. He looked around seeming almost sad, but then his face filled with determination.

He lifted the knife, glittering, before making a horizontal cut on his wrist. Peace radiated across his face as he lifted the knife again.

And again.

And again.

Until his arm was a mess of oozing slashes, dripping blood into a growing puddle on the floor. Eugene looked down, face twisting slightly as if confused by the mess that lay there. He raised the knife again, positioning it at the middle of his wrist. He started slicing downwards.

Suddenly, he dropped the knife. Holding on to the cut he just made, face crumpled with torment, he shook his head, once, twice, three times, until his face slowly evened out into an empty expression. He got up, letting go of the shallow cut on his arm slowly weeping blood, not deep enough to be fatal.

He walked over to the staircase, not looking back. Going up the stairs one by one, constant, neither speeding up or slowing down. He opened the door to the roof and walked to the edge.

He leaned against the wall, staring at the glowing lights of the city, as if to commit it to memory. His eyes went out of focus, and peace was the only expression on his face.

He climbed up on the barrier, leaning towards the city, towards the light that couldn’t seem to touch the sadness radiating off him.

 

 

He leaned just a little farther.

 

 

A little farther.

 

 

“EUGENE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this took a bit longer than the last two because, like with everything else, I lose motivation almost immediately for everything :) but it's here now.  
> This story has exactly 0 planning for it so things will probably not make sense but honestly, I don't really care because I'm having fun :D. This took me quite a while to do, but for almost 2000 words this chapter I'd say that's not too shabby lol.  
> -  
> -  
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> Acknowledge my existence <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did he fall? (Spoiler alert, he didn't)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo sorry this took so long. I lose motivation really easily, but I got it back today to finish this chapter.

**Zach POV:**

As the shout echoes away, Eugene froze. He turned around, eyes locked on the ground. He didn't move away from the edge and his voice cut through the following silence.

“Why are you here?”

“Wh-what?” I stammered. “What do you mean ‘Why are we here?’ We-“ He cut me off before I could finish.

“Why are you here now, of all times? I always want to hang out, but I say no because I don’t want to ruin your gathering. And you’re always fine with that. But this time you decide to show up here again, the only time I don’t want to be with you guys. I wanted to hang out with you, I did, but I know you didn’t want me there. I always had hope, when I say no, that you’ll want me there enough to try to convince me, that you’re not just asking me out of obligation. For you guys to prove the voice wrong that I was actually a valued member of the team. But you never did, even though I never had plans. I know you guys were relieved when you didn’t have to hang out with me. So why are you here now? And don’t say it’s because you care about me. We all know that’s not true.”

We stood there in shock. How did we never notice Eugene felt this way?

“But we do care about you Eugene! We just wanted to respect your decisions and—” Ned tried to say, but Eugene interrupted again.

“That’s bullshit!” He cried. “When I first started working with you guys, I would always say yes whenever one of you asked me to hang out. But if one of the others said no, we would ask and ask until they would change their mind. So, about a year after we became a group, I said no as a joke, because you guys were extremely hyper that day and I wanted to see how you’d convince me. But all you did was say ‘ok’ and walk away.”

Eugene took a deep breath as if preparing himself to say the next part. Keith opened his mouth in an attempt to defend us but closed it again as Eugene started to speak.

“I was hurt, but then I thought to myself, that maybe we’ve stopped doing that and I missed the memo. I went back to work, trying not to think about what you guys were doing. But then the next week when Zach,” he gestured, glancing my way, “said he was too tired to come, you two literally dragged him with us. At that point, I thought it might have been a fluke. So, I said no again. Same result. Anyone of you says no. Same result. Why should I say yes then? It’s so obviously clear you didn’t want me there. You weren’t even being subtle about it, as even if I and someone else said no you would only convince them.”

As he said that, we looked at each other bewildered. Had we really ostracized a member of our team so harshly, so blatantly, without even noticing? I thought back to the beginning of our group, to when we just started hanging out. Suddenly, it hit me.

“Eugene,” I began, guilt slowly pushing away my worry, “the reason we never tried to convince you then was that we were kind of glad you weren’t going. Ned was trying to set me up, but whenever you went with us, I never had a chance, because what girl would want to date me over you? We didn’t mean to always cut you out Eugene; it just happened so often we sort of fell into a routine.”

“Oh, leaving me out became routine, huh?” Eugene spat. “You were so glad that I wasn’t there to catch the attention of girls who never saw me again after the bar? Well, guess what Zach. I was trying to set you up too. I talked to those girls, talking all about how great you are, how loyal you would be to them. But when they would walk over to talk to you, you would ignore them and glare at me, like I was the devil for ‘stealing’ those girls from you, like the only reason they were over there was because they wanted to hang out with me in our group. You saw me as such a fuckboy that you couldn’t even consider that they might not be interested in me, because I’m the amazing Eugene that gets all the girls.”

“Well, can you blame him Eugene?” Keith started nervously, like a lawyer with stage fright. “You take home a girl every time we go out!“

Eugene barked out a short laugh, though it had no humor. “I take home a girl every night, huh? Did you ever realize it was the same girl? Did you ever realize that she met us there? Did you ever realize she never drank? Because she’s my best friend and she doesn’t drink alcohol, so she established herself as my designated driver. Nobody ever wanted to go home with me, and who can blame them? No one wants a one-night-stand with an alcoholic virgin who drinks more vodka than water.”

“You’re a virgin?” Ned yelped, eyes wide and face slack with shock. “More importantly, how much did you say you drink?”

Eugene didn’t answer, but he turned away from us and stared back at the ground so many stories below, entering a sort of trance. As he was distracted, the three of us started creeping closer, making almost no sound as we glided over the roof. Right before we were within arm’s reach, he turned back to us. We froze, helpless but to watch as he took a step back, still on the ledge but inches from death.

“Eugene please stop,” I begged him. His face was impassive as he listened to my words. “We can talk about this, please don’t jump.”

“Can we though? Can we talk about this? Or will you just go back to ignoring me, knowing at least that you won’t have a death ruining your week? I know you were planning to kick me out of the group eventually. Why not just let me die now so that there won’t be the awkwardness coming from you guys working near a person who used to be in your group? This way you’ll be able to get rid of me easier.”

He glanced back at me. I searched his eyes, looking for something, anything, that I could do to convince him otherwise. My heart sank as I looked into his eyes, empty, like the windows of a foreclosed farmhouse, nothing but dust inside.

My eyes shot to Ned and Keith, and we each saw reflected in the other’s eyes that we had to do something. Ned started to talk.

“Eugene, why don’t you list some reasons for why we’d be glad to see you go? Just so when we look back at this, we can see how lucky we are.”

My head whipped to look at him in shock. Had he really just said that? Then I looked at Ned’s face. His mouth was neutral, but the pain in his eyes was clearly visible. He was stalling.

“Finally admitting it, huh? Thanks for doing it before I jump, at least. This way I know I was right all along. Now, where to start? Maybe the fact that I’m a waste of space? Or that the only thing I contribute to the group is diversity? That my alcohol abuse is turned into a joke? ‘Oh, typical Eugene, getting drunk on a Wednesday!’ I don’t share my feelings with you guys, so I’m not even a close friend, I’m just like an acquaintance. I’m fat and ugly, no one wants to see me in the videos. I’ve felt empty for months, years, and the viewers can tell I haven’t had the enthusiasm. I used to be able to fake it pretty well, but now I’m not even good enough to do that. So many people would love to be in a video with you guys, but because you guys are too nice to kick me out, I’m taking the spot of someone actually qualified and wanted. I have no other talent besides being able to switch water for vodka and not have anyone notice. The reason I dress so nicely is that it’s the only thing that makes me tolerable to look at. As soon as we got those new office chairs, I broke mine. I hid it so that I wouldn’t be a monetary burden. I’m already a video burden, I can’t let a broken chair stop me from editing. Even with all the all-nighters I pull, all the work I do at home, I can never seem to catch up to you guys! I’m just a useless, waste of space, depressed piece of shit, and I DESERVE TO DIE!”

Eugene shouted the last part, startling us from the shock we had gone into as he started listing his faults. We turned to look at his face, surprised and slightly happy to see tears run down his face. Finally, he was showing emotion. As he furiously wiped his eyes, we turned to look at each other. Our faces set with grim determination, knowing this was our only shot.

 

We lunged at Eugene.

 

He jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, are they going to get to him in time? Stay tuned for the next chapter to find out, even though it might take me forever to get it done! Leave me a comment so I can see how much you like/hate it, or give me suggestions.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning*  
> Blood  
> Cuts  
> Mentions of vomiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. It's pretty short, and I tried to add on to it but I couldn't find the motivation nor the ability to do so. Anyways I hope you enjoy!

**Ned POV:**

“No!” I screamed, dashing forward as fast as I could. My fingers caught Eugene’s shoes, and I gripped as hard as I could. Eugene was struggling in my tenuous grip, previously forgotten wounds sending drips of blood showering to the ground. I turned around, glaring at the other guys who were frozen to the spot after the initial jump.

“Keith, help me grab him! Zach, call 911, we need to get him help!”

I turned back to Eugene, struggling to grab a better hold on his blood-soaked shoes. Keith grabbed his other leg, wrapping both hands around his ankle to avoid slipping off. We dragged him onto the roof, the blood loss finally getting to him and weakening his struggling. We held him down as we waited for Zach to tell us the 911 operator’s directions.

“Yeah, we have him on the roof now, my other two friends are holding him down.” Zach trembled, coming closer to us. Now that Eugene was still, we could really look at him. His face was sunken, the bags under his eyes almost matching the dark sky. He looked exhausted, face and hair sweaty like he had just completed a marathon. I was holding down an arm and leg and they were worryingly thin, almost no flesh on the bone. “He’s still bleeding from his arm, oh my God, there’s so many cuts, there’s so much blood, I-I can’t−“ Zach hurriedly dropped the phone, turning to the side as he vomited. I looked at Keith, his eyes averted from the mess on the arm he was holding.

I glanced down, almost repeating Zach’s actions myself as I saw the state of Eugene’s arm. The entire length, wrist to elbow, was covered in horizontal cuts. His arm was more flesh than skin, entirely red and slowly weeping blood. I quickly looked away, grabbing the phone and holding it to my ear.

“Sir? Sir? Are you still there?” The calm voice of the operator soothed my nerves slightly, allowing me to talk without trembling.

“My friend had to throw up, what should I do?” I said, feeling a false sense of calm wash over me.

“Put light pressure on the wound with a clean piece of cloth to slow the blood and tell me where you are so I can send an ambulance.”

After telling the address and that we were on the roof, I took off my jacket and placed it against Eugene’s arm. The blood flow, already on its way to stopping, slowed even further. Eugene was unconscious, exhaustion and blood loss sapping the little energy had left. Zach managed to stop throwing up and some color had come back to Keith’s face now that Eugene was unmoving but still breathing.

“What are we going to do now?” Zach whispered, clutching his painful throat. “How are we going to fix this?”

“I-I don’t know.” My calm was slowly fading away as I realized the magnitude of what just happened. Eugene had almost…almost…my mind refused to think what I knew he tried to do. Choosing to focus instead on his feelings, I hung my head. “How are we such shitty friends? How did we let one of the people we care about feel this way, how could we continue to hurt him with our actions and not even realize that it hurt him?”

“The worst part is,” Keith sat on the ground, putting his head into his hands, “he thinks he deserves it.”

Sirens wailed in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be Eugene in a hospital. Unfortunately, I have no clue about anything about hospitals, because I've luckily never had to go to one when I was old enough to remember it lol.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing style may be different, but it's been months so honestly, who'd be surprised about that?

**Third Person POV:**

The room was filled with incessant beeping. Annoying and aggravating, setting teeth on edge. Beating an irregular tattoo with the soft patter of the raindrops on the window. But nobody wanted the noise to stop, as it was the only certainty that the person in the bed was alive.

Eugene, pale skin bleached even paler by the buzzing lights, lay still, irresponsive to the constant beeping or the tapping on the window. He was surrounded by his friends, the three men who cared so much about him that they thought it was obvious, whose tears fell in time to the rain and his heart.

But he never noticed, and, to them, that was their biggest mistake.

Zach was the closest, eyes closed clutching Eugene’s hand, pressing it his forehead as he whispered apologies. He blames himself, for if he hadn’t desperately wished for a romantic partner, would he have cut out one of his best platonic ones? Would Eugene still have felt abandoned if Zach had pushed aside his loneliness and saw Eugene’s? Would Eugene have been with him as they looked for love, cheering each other up after heartbreaks and smiling at each other’s weddings? If Zach had told Eugene that he didn’t invite him because he was worried about his alcohol intake, would Eugene have felt cared for?

There was no point in wondering, now.

Next was Keith, the performer, the funny one. The person to grab attention and keep it. If Keith had joked with his friends more, instead of at them, would Eugene see himself in a better light? If he had poked fun at his own flaws as well as everyone else’s, would Eugene see that he is not the only one who was flawed? If Keith had told Eugene that he wanted the spotlight and the performing because it was the only thing he felt good at, would Eugene have felt more comfortable sharing his own flaws, more comfortable knowing that Keith didn’t think he wasn’t good enough for performing? Would Eugene have felt calm, knowing Keith was just trying to keep stress and pressure from his friends?

It was too late, now.

Last was Ned. Ned, the family man, the only one in a 100% secure and committed relationship. The Yale scholar, the soccer player, the loudest voice in the room. If he had hung out with Eugene more, would Eugene have felt so alone? If he had not blown off get-togethers that Eugene had carefully planned to go on dates with his wife, would Eugene have felt so secondary, as if the plans and time he put in were lesser to the mere idea of Ariel? If Ned had stopped referencing Yale and soccer and taking over anytime there was something to be done that required brain or muscle power, would Eugene still have felt like his academic achievements and his hard-earned fitness were worthless compared to the place a person went to school, or the sport that was played? If Ned had told Eugene that he was the loudest voice, the one to act out childishly, because he wanted to protect the others from hateful comments, would Eugene have felt less overshadowed? Would Eugene have felt protected and safe?

It would make no difference, now.

They all had faults, issues they had to deal with and problems they tried to solve.

Zach, with his prioritization of his love life over his friends and his inability to focus on anything but himself. Keith, with his careless words that cut too deep and his inability to deal with his insecurities without exploiting others. Ned, with his taking for granted that his friends would always be there when he needed even if he was never there for them and his need to be in control.

Yes, they had flaws, for they were human. But humans are empathetic and caring, and unique in their ways of showing it.

Zach showed he cared in scoldings, taking away the unhealthy habits the four had grown to depend on, forcing them to sleep and eat. Keith showed he cared in talking, leading them away from unhealthy thoughts and taking over exhausting conversations so that they could slip away. Ned showed he cared in his games, helping the others relax and destress and take their minds off of work, while getting them to have fun.

Eugene had his flaws too, though they were not as numerous as he thought.

He never thought that someone could care about him, as any acts of kindness towards him he saw as the normal acts of a kind person. He worked too long and too hard, as he saw relaxing as weakness. He doesn’t trust easily, because he thought that the only way to not be betrayed was to have no one able to betray him.

But that doesn’t mean he didn’t care, because care he did.

He took on the jobs no one wanted, because he didn’t want anyone to be forced to do something. He worked as hard as he could, so he would have time to help others in their work. He cultivated a careful quietness, one full of understanding, because he knew sometimes all a person needed was someone who would listen. He wanted to be the person who was always there, always ready to help, because he knew how tough it was when there was nobody who seemed to care.

The three talked, about their own flaws and their own talents and the things they did. And the included Eugene in their conversations, about how he could trust them and not push them away, and about all of the good he did. They talked and talked, the space between them shrinking like the waning of the moon, but this time they were determined not to let it wax.

They became closer as three, not because they wanted to isolate the fourth, but so there were many who could bring him into the fold.

They told promises to each other, of when Eugene would wake up, of happy times in skies of glaring blue. They accepted each flaw they had, waiting to be able to help their friend with his. They refused to let him fall again.

 

 

The tears continued. The rain fell. His heart beat on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, only took me.... *glances at blank palm* months to get this final chapter out! But honestly, thank you to everyone who liked this story, the emails from kudos notifications the only thing that actually got me back to finishing the story. You guys are the ones who gave me the inspiration, and I will always be grateful to the support you guys gave me on my first published fanfic.


End file.
